I have been intrigued by one of my favorite blogger’s weekly ‘assignments’ and decided this week I would finally participate. Mama’s Losin’ It has a Writer’s Workshop where she gives you several ‘prompts’ to write about. A way to flex your writing muscles and let other people get to know you a little better. If you have never joined in, what are you waiting for? Check it out!

My choice of prompts this week is:

1.) Tell us about a memorable blind date.

‘Memorable’ is probably an understatement. But not really in a good way. I had been divorced for a while, and my friends were always bugging me about ‘getting back on the horse’. I really don’t even remember how this particular blind date came about – a friend of a friend who had a friend whose cousin was still single. Notice I said ‘still’ single. Arrangements were made for this friend of a friend’s cousin and I to meet at an Italian restaurant where I was the lead bookkeeper – that way I’d be surrounded by people I knew, and the bartender would have my back in case the date went sour.

I arrived about 10 minutes early as is my nature, and ordered a glass of wine to calm my nerves, and waited. And waited. My date arrived about 20 minutes late and breezed into the bar area as if he owned the place. He swooped down on my little corner table and introduced himself, no apologies for being late, and with an air of confidence that I should be humbled in his presence. But I wasn’t.

He wasn’t a bad-looking guy, he was tall, had dark hair and nice white teeth. But when he spoke, he spoke with an annoying, grating voice – and scrunched up his face when he spoke, which made his teeth more prominent. I thought he was trying to imitate someone – I couldn’t quite place who he reminded me of, but it was grating on my every last nerve. We had met fairly early in the day to grab a late lunch with tentative plans of going to see a movie afterward. If it went well enough, it would also extend into dinner. I knew within 5 minutes of him sitting at the table that it was going to go no further.

The entire lunch he talked non-stop – telling me all about his wonderful house, his awesome boat, his souped-up car, all the material possessions he owned, all the ‘important’ people he knew and how he climbed the ladder to success…as if that would be the clincher to have someone fall madly, deeply in love with him on the spot. As the lunch progressed and he kept regaling me with all of his ‘importance’, I kept trying to figure out who he reminded me of. His annoying voice was really bugging me, and at the conclusion of lunch I had a throbbing headache. As he paid for lunch and we got ready to go, he enthusiastically asked if I was ready to head over to the movie. I was not. I tend to be too nice, I don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings, so I wasn’t about to tell him that I really didn’t want to spend any more time with him. Instead, I explained that I had been fighting a bug for a while, and just wasn’t feeling very well, that we should just call it a day.

He was disappointed and tried to talk me into at least going to the movie since I’d be able to just sit and relax in the dark. I politely turned him down and said I’d just rather head home. He offered to come home with me… Hello?! Uh, no thanks. Then he started recounting all his ‘cool stuff’… Really? The four or five times you mentioned your myriad of things during the meal, you think you need to bring them up again? How many times do I really need to hear about his boat? My bartender buddy saw that I was having trouble trying to extricate myself from the never-ending ‘see ya later’ mode, so she came over and said there was a problem with the bar bank the weekend bookkeeper had put together for her, and asked if I would be able to help her figure it out…perfect escape! My date finally, reluctantly, left.

As I headed home – happily alone – it finally hit me who my date reminded me of. The annoying voice. The scrunched up face while talking. Gilbert Gottfried! This, my friends, is pretty much how my date was that day:

My date was sans the poufy hair and the talk about Hollywood…he had shorter hair, and talked about houses and boats and cars, oh my! But he would be a dead ringer for Gilbert Gottfried, that’s for sure! No offense to those that like Mr. Gottfried, but he just annoys me. πŸ™‚ That was definitely my most memorable blind date ever! πŸ˜‰

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  1. Hi Stacy!
    You anad your ‘ex’s’… πŸ™‚

    Stop by Sited and Blogged.com and visit!

  2. “Memorable” certainly doesn’t have to mean “pleasant” as you demonstrated here. Gilbert? Yikes. This is a great advertisement for being married and not having to deal with the horrors of dating anymore.


  3. @Lolli: Absolutely painful! LOL!!

    @Site and Blogged: Off for another visit! πŸ˜‰

    @Firefly: Yes, I definitely was so glad when that date was over…seemed to go on forever! πŸ˜‰

    @Davida: Absolutely ‘Memorable’ doesn’t have to mean ‘pleasant’… Yep, Gibert! And definitely a great advertisement for being married and not having to deal with the dating scene anymore! (evil grin!!)

    Thanks so much for stopping by! πŸ™‚

  4. Oh Stacy, what a path you’ve traveled. Wow, I guess it’s true about having to kiss a few frogs…

  5. @blueviolet: It was definitely quite the path with too many frogs! πŸ˜‰ LOL!!

  6. LOL
    Oh No!
    I think for once, I would have pulled a “gotta use the ladies room” and ran outta there…laughing!

  7. Oh my! I’m so thankful that I’m not single and can just snuggle up with hubbs! The days of dating are so far removed I can barely remember them–thankfully! *giggles* cute post!

  8. @Aubrey: Believe me, that thought definitely crossed my mind…several times during that date! LOL!!!

    @Nicole: It is nice not to have to worry about those kinds of dates, isn’t it? πŸ˜‰ I’ve been with hubbs now for 12 years – I am so glad those moronic days are long since over… πŸ˜‰ This was one of those that stuck with me in memory land – for obvious reasons! (evil grin!) LOL!!

  9. ugh…not so good. I’m with you on Gilbert…funny but annoying. I’ve only been on one blind date in my life…and he was gorgeous, funny, and smart. And I think he felt about me…like you felt about your date lol. Loved the story…it’s always fun to read a good tale of dating woe!

  10. Ha! That was totally who I pictured in my head the minute you started describing him. Nice imagery πŸ˜‰

    I’ve never been on a blind date. Phew.

  11. @nikkicrumpet: Definitely funny but annoying! Oh, Nikki! I seriously doubt anyone could compare you to someone as ookey as Gilbert even on your worst day! Besides, some guys that are drop dead gorgeous are total dweebs… I dated one for a while, but he was one of those guys that proved beauty was only skin deep as soon as he opened his mouth. You kind of mentally hope that he’ll just sit there and look pretty instead of reveal to my friends that he had no brain…(evil grin!)

    @Keely: LOL Keely! I was wondering if anyone would pick up on that before getting to the ‘reveal’…heh, heh! Good job! πŸ˜‰ You are so lucky you’ve never been on a blind date…you have missed absolutely nothing! (snicker!)

  12. @Elle: Definitely annoying…and I was so thankful my friends were there to help me ‘escape’… πŸ˜‰

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