Mother’s Day – Why Must It Be So Complicated?

Mother’s Day can be sort of a sore subject around our house.  Hubby is a literal person, and can’t grasp the idea that Mother’s Day isn’t acknowledged only by the children of the mother, but that the spouse should can show their appreciation for the mother of their child or children or step-children or whatever for being the mother the other 364 days of the year.

Appreciation.

That’s what it really boils down to.  A mother’s job is thankless (and yes, a father’s job can be thankless too – but we’re talking about Mother’s Day.  We’ll talk about Father’s Day next month).  Mother’s Day gives the opportunity to express your appreciation to your mother or the mother of your children and give them one stinkin’ day of the year to do even small things to show your appreciation for all they do as the mother.

As I was attempting to formulate words for this post, Mr. Interruptus broke my concentration the subject of Mother’s Day came up with the hubby.  He me to pick out a day next week that Nagger can take me to dinner.  Next week.  Because it’s her ‘job’ as the kid to celebrate Mother’s Day with me as her mother.  Sometime next week.

Apparently he forgot she’s seven.

I must have given him a look that spoke volumes (and the message wasn’t received all that clearly) because the following conversation took place:

HH:  “I’ll pay for it, but you’re her mother so she should take you out to dinner for Mother’s Day.”

Me:  “But you’ll be tagging along, right?”

HH:  “Only if the Nagger says it’s OK – it’s your day, so it should be her doing something special for you.”

I semi-patiently explained that the day – on the actual Mother’s Day – needs to be special.

HH:  “What, you want me to cook you breakfast or something?”

Me:  “Or something, yes.  But not breakfast in bed.  I’m not a big fan of breakfast in bed.”

HH:  “Me either.  So what else do I need to do?”

Me:  “It’s not what you need to do, it’s that on Mother’s Day it would be nice to show your appreciation for the mother of your child – make her feel special on that day.”

HH:  “Well, that’s why I want you to pick out a day next week to have The Nag take you to dinner and I’ll pay for it.”

Me:  “That’s a nice gesture, but that’s next week – what about Sunday?  The actual Mother’s Day?”

HH (grinning):  “Well, that’s what the dinner is for.  And I know I need to pick something up for you too.”

Me:  “But that’s not really the point – Mother’s Day should not be just a regular old day like every other day –  with a “oh,  here, I picked up something for you…what’s for dinner?”  It should be special.  Mother’s should be made to feel special on Mother’s Day!    Mother’s should be pampered on Mother’s Day!”

HH:  bursts out laughing…

Me:  “It’s ironic how we’re having this conversation right when I’m trying to figure out how to post about this exact thing for the Spin Cycle tomorrow!”

HH:  “You’re writing about this?”

Me (grinning from ear to ear):  “You bet I am – and you can bet I’ll be including this conversation in it, because it’s just too good to pass up to prove my point about how literal you are!”

HH:  “I am, aren’t I?”

Growing up us kids would make sure we did something special for my mom on Mother’s Day – usually orchestrated by my dad when we were younger, schemes formulated amongst us kids as we got older.   My brother does a great job orchestrating a special day for my sister-in-law, recruiting their 8-year old twins into the festivities.  My sister has her husband well trained to make her day special, and her teen boys seem to know how to help make the day special, too.

My hubby’s weren’t ‘holiday people’ – they did not make a big deal out of holidays.  Ever.  The occasional , maybe.  Early years Christmas, sure.  But as my hubby grew older, their aversion to holidays grew greater and there were less and less celebrations.  Hubby has no siblings, so no one in that arena to set him straight.  It’s possible that Mother’s Day is a bittersweet day for him because he lost his mom to cancer when he was just 18 years old.  So until I came along and bore his child, he had no reason to celebrate Mother’s Day.

He ‘s a work in progress.

This will be the seventh year running – and I’m determined to set him straight on making that day special.  Though I shouldn’t have to.

That’s the point.  I shouldn’t have to point out that us mother’s need to feel appreciated, even for one day.  Like on Mother’s Day.

Does anyone else have a crazy spouse or significant other that tends to think that Mother’s Day is only for the kids to celebrate with the mom and it doesn’t really need the husband/spouse/significant other to participate in making that day special?

This Spin Cycle was brought to you in part by Jen, who is an appreciated mother and Sprite’s Keeper.  Head on over and check out the other spinners – find out what Mother’s Day signifies for them!

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About Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)

After 20+ years in the Corporate World and years of infertility, Princess Nagger made her miraculous appearance and I chose to become a SAHM and WAHM - I love every minute of it. We added Little Dude through adoption, adding a whole new dimension to our family. We have an eclectic mix of pets: dogs, cats, birds and fish. I love to cook and try new techniques to turn ordinary into extraordinary. Crafty by nature, I take on a lot of unique projects and enjoy seeing the end result. My favorite, of course, is making my own wine out of fruits and grapes. Experiments with water currently underway. I blog about the joys of parenting, family, friends, life, love and anything else that strikes my fancy. I do enjoy doing reviews and giveaways for products I use, believe in and can stand behind.
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29 thoughts on “Mother’s Day – Why Must It Be So Complicated?

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Mother’s Day – Why Must It Be So Complicated?

  2. I’ll admit, I am not really great at the Mother’s day thing. But, then again, I live alone and my mother is 800 miles away! 🙂
    .-= otin would like you to read ..The Final Cut =-.

  3. we’re going to see the local High School play of Beauty and the Beast. Its what I wanted, although its the first I’ve seen in a long time that my daughter or myself are not a part of. I guess hubby does okay in this arena. He at least asked me did I want to go to the amusement park AND honered my wishes when I said “No.”

  4. My husband is very good about remembering Mothers Day and other events. But at the same time I am not that bothered about it – I have never really been into special days, birthday or Christmas celebrations (except now I do like Christmas with my daughter and her birthdays). I much prefer the spontaneous and unexpected, getting a present or special surprise when I least expect to is what really rocks my boat. But I know I am a bit strange like that 🙂

    I hope your husband DOES do something special for you as you are a great Mom
    .-= Aging Mommy would like you to read ..Three Is A Magic Number =-.

  5. I am passionate about “spousal appreciation!” lol And this is what it really comes down to for me–no child is BORN thanking it’s parents. True love–appreciation–is a direct result of NOTICING things and saying thank you. That’s it. Yet, as you so eloquently pointed out, no one walks in the house saying, “hey, you swept the stairs-thanks mom!” or “wow the toilets are sparkly!” (dear lord, I’d fall over) It is part of his JOB as your husband to teach your children HOW to appreciate you. To say things like, “Isn’t this dinner amazing? Mama spent 4 hours cooking for us today, what can we do for her?” Making them AWARE of you…they have to be shown how to cherish you. Thats what mothers day is for! (getting off my stump now….)
    .-= Chantel would like you to read ..May Second =-.

  6. I have to say I get very frustrated when men say “well you’re not MY mother.” You’re right; that’s SO not the point. Being the mother of their children should make you a shining star in their world!
    I hope he comes around. It is hard to escape our backgrounds.
    Happy Mother’s Day!
    .-= Maureen@IslandRoar would like you to read ..Spin Cycle: Mother’s Day =-.

  7. We don;t have children. But, my husband still does something special for me on Mother’s day, because he says I’m “mother” to our 2 pugs!
    .-= Jill C. would like you to read ..Wordless Wednesday =-.

  8. Right, I am not HIS mother. However, I do have the repsonsibility of picking up a card and gift for HIS mother (and mine), and finding the time (after cleaning the kitchen from the lovely breakfast in bed) to get everybody ready to visit HIS mother (and mine) and then get him in time to get laundry, homework and showers in before Monday. Happy Mother’s Day to me.
    .-= SeriousMom would like you to read ..Mom panties? =-.

  9. Girl, I shook my head the entire time I read this, because that’s kind of how Jimmy is, although it has nothing to do with being literal and everything to do with just not caring.

    Did I tell you about the Mother’s Day when he plopped a DEEP FRYER on the bathroom floor while I was IN THE SHOWER? Ya know, the deep fryer he had recently mentioned HE wanted?

    Dick.

    Justine 😮 )
    .-= Justine would like you to read ..Where The F*** Is The House??!!?? =-.

  10. What I like about this post is that you and your husband can talk without starting a war. Even if you or he get peeved, you stay on point and talk. However it works out, I look forward to hearing about your Sunday together.
    .-= Technobabe would like you to read ..Bring It To Me =-.

  11. Mine knows about the appreciation–his mom taught him well, however he can’t remember what day it is so he needs lots of prompting, reminding and being led to the card aisle to pick a card for his mom before he remembers that he needs to do something for me. Finding time for him to go do that sort of thing is interesting, since I’m usually with him when he leaves the house. He always complaines that surprising me is next to impossible cause I’m nosy like that.
    .-= VandyJ would like you to read ..Dear Someone =-.

  12. I got very lucky with John. He goes out of his way to make me feel special and loves to get Sprite in on the antics. Most weekends, if he wakes up with Sprite, he’ll close the door to the bedroom to let me sleep in as long as I can. I think that’s one of the best gifts in the world. You’re linked!
    .-= Sprite’s Keeper would like you to read ..Backfire =-.

  13. I’m with Sprite’s Keeper on this one – I’m lucky. When Jolly called him to ask if we would babysit The G Man on Mother’s Day because both she and The Chef have to work, he asked me before committing us, because it is Mother’s Day. I, of course, was thrilled to be able to spend the day spoiling the kid rotten so that’s what we’re doing. He always makes sure the day is special for me.

    And he let me buy an uber-expensive lens for my camera last week as an early Mother’s Day. He’s a doll.
    .-= Jan would like you to read ..Chicken Waldorf Salad =-.

  14. I’ll admit to being in the same league as Jan and Jen, PB does very well by me on Mother’s Day (and all appropriate holidays).

    But to your point, I think you should respond to what your spouse or your own mother want. Want to be left alone? Then they should leave you alone. Want one day of being the queen? They can buck up for one day and make you the queen.

    People don’t get many days in a year where they are celebrated. A birthday, maybe an anniversary. One day will kill him?

    But now I have to ask, how is he for birthdays and the anniversary? Because if his excuse here is that your not his Mom, he’d better go all out for the anniversary. I’m just saying, that would be logical.
    .-= Mama Badger would like you to read ..RTT- let the suck continue… =-.

  15. Nooooooo!! Hubby definetly has it wrong!!! It is a day where we celebrate all mommies and the husbands have to be involved in it too!! Here in Mexico besides your own mom, you also give a few other moms a present to show them how you also appreciate them too! He better get it straight soon!
    .-= Maggie would like you to read ..The Diary of a Maggie Weekend =-.

  16. I have been dealing with this for 31 years now. My husband still doesn’t get it. He continues to tell me that I am not his mother. We have never been able to go out to eat on MD because of the crowds 🙁 so we go on Saturday! Believe me I don’t go out of my way anymore for him on Father’s Day!
    .-= Debby would like you to read ..TODAY IS: =-.

  17. I know what you mean about the guys. I think they just want an easy way out. Anyhow, my so always does it because the kids can’t do it for me themselves, and he said it’s so that they understand and appreciate me on the holidays…:-)
    .-= doanlegacy would like you to read ..Watch My Back =-.

  18. I’m lucky; my husband totally gets it. My dad, on the other hand, was similar to your husband, only much, much worse. He would say things like, “What? She’s not MY mother. Why should I have to do anything? That sort of thing. Not too surprising they are separated and on their way to being divorced.

    On the other hand, my mom was seriously passive aggressive about it and I doubt she ever tried to honestly set him straight, so bravo to you. We shouldn’t have to tell our husbands, but sometimes that is what has to happen, and it is way better than stewing for 30+ years, only to get divorced, as my mom did.
    .-= Patty would like you to read ..My Mother’s Day gift to you =-.

  19. Well, I’m assuming you make his father’s day special right? That right there should be his FIRST clue! Poor Mr. Only Child. LOL

    I hope you get what you deserve for Mother’s Day!!!
    .-= Pooba would like you to read ..We Had A Deal! =-.

  20. Sorry, I’m another lucky one. Both my husband and my son are all about having it be my day. And while I think my husband would like to go see his mom (about 2 hours away), he lets me decide without being all wacky about it. And my mom is 1000 miles away in Texas so I’m pretty much Queen for the Day … in fact, maybe I’ll get out my tiara this year to cement that image!

    I have to say that I think it’s worth working on your husband … if for no other reason than to show your daughter how a man should treat her in the future.

    In the meantime, good luck … and Happy Mother’s Day!
    .-= Julie at MDMA would like you to read ..Have We Talked About Brazilian Blowouts? =-.

  21. What did you do last year On Mother’s Day? Why doesn’t he get that that is the day to celebrate it? Just tell him that you expect him to help your daughter do something to make Mother’s Day special. Sometimes men need it spelled out for them.
    .-= gayle would like you to read ..Remembering My Mom =-.