Oh, and to answer a question from yesterday – yes, I do end up spending considerable amount of time in the kitchen on Wednesday getting some stuff pre-made so I can make sure I’m not trapped in the kitchen on Thursday. That way I can not only cook up a fantastic feast, but be able to actually relax and enjoy copious amounts of wine the day too. I guess I better clean out the fridge today, so there’s room for the stuff I’ll be making tomorrow.
Saturday morning I glared at the alarm clock as it rudely woke me out of a deep slumber at 5:20 a.m. I thought to myself “Oh yeah, snooze button it is!” and pushed the snooze button. As I buried my head back in my pillow to doze back off, it hit me – I didn’t need to get up at 5:20 a.m. – it was Saturday. But of course I had to wait the 7 to 9 minutes (I can never remember what the ‘snooze’ time allotment is) until the alarm came back on so I could shut it off and truly go back to sleep. I was kicking myself for forgetting to turn off the alarm the night before, so sleep ended up escaping me.
Sunday we had beautiful cool sunny weather – perfect for raking up the leaves in the backyard since the Maple trees finally released almost all of them. Hubby was getting extremely irritated by the 11 year old kid next door (the one who owns the obnoxious Pit Bull) who was spending the day revving the engine of his dirt bike and blasting up and down the property line. All. Day. Long. We’re actually hoping for lots of snow this year so there will be some peace and quiet.
Wouldn’t it be cool if your car radio had the same feature as your DVR did? I’m not talking about the record feature, I’m talking about when you’re not really listening to it, but then the end of something catches your ear and you involuntarily reach to rewind to a point before it caught your ear, only to realize you’re in your car and it’s the regular radio, not your DVR. Not that I’ve ever done that…much.
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I’m telling you in advance, so don’t act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won’t be coming, I’ve made a few small changes:
- Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.
- Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I’ve gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.
- The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.
- Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.
- We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I’m sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds. As accompaniment to the children’s recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don’t own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.
- We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We’ve also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table … in a separate room … next door.
- Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress “private” meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.
- I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that “passing the rolls” is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty bread.
- Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance. Cheese Sauce stains.
- Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice among 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.
Real Questions to the Turkey Cooking Hotline
- Should I carve my turkey with a 16in Redmax or should I get out my Stihl Electric Chain Saw?
- Is it OK to baste my turkey with engine oil?
- Should I leave the giblets in their plastic bag during cooking?
Sadly, my alarm went off at 5:20 Saturday morning because I really did have to get up – a rare Saturday meeting. It took me to the 3rd round of snooze to actually remember that yes, I really did need to get up.
Happy Thanksgiving!
(Stopping by from the SSS list as I try to visit everyone.)
No turkey for me, we don't celebrate it down here. 🙁
You're stressing me out. That cartoon is hilarious.
My satellite radio has that feature, the rewind thing!
Motor oil on a turkey??
Have a good Thanksgiving if I do not talk to you!
I have to admit, I was awake at 6am Saturday morning too, but only after having one of my best nights sleeps at the Hampton Inn. I was asleep by 9:30!!!
Sounds like your week is going well! Trying to get in the mood. I spent yesterday recovering from the 6 hr drive home on Sunday night!!!
I have caught myself several times wanting to "rewind" the radio so that I could hear what they just said! They definitely need to come up with a DVR/radio!
I am SO the dinner roll and soda person. Chuckle. :o)
Love the Maxine cartoon!
I've wished for that radio/DVR thing so many times!
LOVED the list! Especially the decoration of fall leaves throughout the house. PRICELESS!!
I still have to run to the grocery store to pick up supplies. Ugh. Hopefully I'll remember everything and not have to run back Wednesday night!
We're having Turkey Day at my mom's, so I will be mostly taking it easy on Thursday. I have a couple of dishes I'm cooking for my husband to take to work at the fire station, so I'll get it out of the way Wednesday night.
The list you posted is hilarious. I can relate to all of them, particularly having the kids at another table, in another room, in a totally separate house. 😉
Happy RTT.
you know engine oil is all the rave this year…it makes you thankful you are not sitting in traffic on the way to work that day…lol.
felt for you on the alarm on saturday…hate it when that happens.
oh and i'll take the pie, extra finger prints please. smiles.
hope you have a wonderful thanksgiving!
Ours is all traditional foods, so I don't expect any disasters to befall!
I just ordered my pre-cooked turkey this morning (I am such a chef!). I am debating using the silver flatware/Dalton china that I've used like twice.
Have a wonderful holiday Stacy!
Here's my Thanksgiving schedule:
Drive 2 hours.
Eat.
Eat some more.
Sleep 4 hours.
Shop.
Fight off crazy shoppers.
Fight off mother and her best friend.
Fight off crazy shoppers from mother and best friend.
Catch a nap.
Catch a movie with own best friend.
On Saturday, relax!
Sunday, drive 2 hours and start planning Christmas.
Have fun in the kitchen and I can't wait to see what else you have lined up this week!
You're linked!
Even without the "actual" holiday this weekend, I'm set! I've got my mud plastered Leaves all set up! I'll go see a Santa parade instead. 🙂
I'll wish upon you lots of snow if you wish upon us some cool weather. Because at the moment it looks like it'll be warm all winter. Ugh!
I also have to go get some Thursday stuff today. I'm only making one dish for the family Thanksgiving so that makes the shopping list short.
Happy RTT!
That quote from Johnny Carson is sooooo true! Though I'll have to apply it to Christmas since we don't celebrate Thanksgiving here 🙁
Golden Corral is making our dinner, and I am soooooo fine with it!
I will be starting the Thanksgiving mess, er, feast tonight with the making of the cranberry sauce, the baking of the cornbread and the mixing of the pie crusts. Tomorrow will see the assembling of the sweet potato dish, the cooking of the mashed potatoes, and the baking of the pies. The rest gets done Thursday.
LMAO @ the Martha Stewart thing. Yeah, she won't be in OUR house either.
The cartoon is great and I loved this line. "we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork"
That is so true in our house and spoons what has happened to all the spoons.
That DVR in the car would be brilliant. I've had so many times where I've zoned and didn't even realize I wanted to hear the song I just heard until it was over lol!
Oh my gosh Stacy, you will not believe how much sleep I got over the weekend! I took a 22 hour long nap. 22 hours! I kid you not. (I've gotta get in all the nap time I have before we start having kids right?) And there you are losing sleep, I'm sorry!
I always wondered what kind of chainsaw to use on my turkey too.
I did my holiday shopping today too. It about killed me to see how expensive it all was!
I think we're getting snow on Thanksgiving so we'd better get our leaves up tomorrow!
You know what, I'd be so happy to be the soda and rolls person forever!
I would love to be able to rewind my radio! I haven't even started my Christmas shopping yet. I stay far away from the stores on Black Friday. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
You need to go sell that radio feature idea to someone. It's perfect.
I totally think about a radio DVR all the time! Like when I turn on the radio and my favorite song is just ending or I hear a comercial…
Oh, man, those "Martha Stewart" comments are hilarious! Wish I had written them!
There's nothing like waking up and realizing you can go back to sleep!! That may be me tomorrow morning 🙂
Happy Thanksgiving, my friend…
I love that Martha Stewart Thanksgiving thing! It was so funny! Have a great Thanksgiving! And I hope someone steals your neighbor's dirt bike!
Ugh. I feel for you. My "alarm" has a cough, so he's been waking up every two hours and whimpering. Which explains why I will be one of those people in the market on Wednesday looking pathetic.
Have a Great Thanksgiving.
Next year I'm coming to your house for Thanksgiving. I still get out of cooking since my mom lives nearby and we always go there. One day I'll grow up.