The Beginning…The Diagnosis and the Cheating Ex

Lots of people have been asking about some snippets of info I’ve been slowly revealing about me, my life, my past, my Miracle Baby and the road to that Miracle. Since I tend to be wordy when it comes to writing out my thoughts, I thought I would do a series of posts to start at the beginning and work my way up to where I am today.

I figure Sundays would be a good day to do the ‘series posts’, since it’s a great day of reflection…at least for me! πŸ˜‰ That way it won’t be a tedious read for all you wonderful readers and followers…and give you something to (hopefully) look forward to each week. πŸ˜‰ Fair warning, for some people there might be some TMI (Too Much Information), and will most likely be more of a ‘serious tone’ compared to my ‘regular’ posts…I’ll try to keep it ‘light’, but read at your own risk! πŸ˜‰

I was born at a very early age…well, I suppose I don’t have to backtrack that far! So I suppose the current journey really started when I was 26 and had been married to my first husband only 6 months when I was diagnosed with Severe Dysplasia – abnormal cells that if left unattended would morph into Cervical Cancer. My doctor was confident that we caught this early enough, so she scheduled me for a procedure to ‘freeze’ the bad cells to remove them.

On my follow up appointment, she was concerned that the ‘bad cells’ had advanced even further, showing signs of being very aggressive. She scheduled me for laser surgery to remove those pesky bad cells. After my recovery from that surgery, I went in for my follow up appointment. My doctor had more bad news for me – she apparently laser’d ‘beyond the margins’ of where the bad cells were present, just to make sure she got them all. But the bad cells went beyond the margin, which meant she didn’t get them all, and we had to schedule yet another surgery to remove the fast-moving, now cancerous, ‘bad cells’.

Unfortunately, with the information we have today about Cervical Cancer, people are being narrow minded about its cause – as in, those that are being diagnosed with it are sexually active, or active with multiple partners. Because of that misnomer, people are judgmental towards the unfortunate women that end up with Cervical Cancer. I was not a promiscuous person, I didn’t have multiple sexual partners before getting married at 26, I didn’t even get my first kiss until I was 19…by choice, not by circumstances. πŸ˜‰

Six months after I got married I was diagnosed with this oddity. I was told that I was one the 2% of women that would contract this, and it could show up in any of my reproductive organs if they didn’t act fast. I was told after the surgeries that I would not be able to get pregnant ‘normally’, and that I would have to be monitored every 6 months to make sure it didn’t come back randomly in any of my reproductive organs, or opt for a hysterectomy at that young age if I chose not to have babies of my own. Of course I wanted to keep my options open, even if that meant the only way to have a baby would be IVF and be subject to ‘bed-rest’ the final 6 months of pregnancy because of the risk involved with my now ‘incompetent cervix’.

Turns out my ex-husband was ‘turned off’ by the fact that I would potentially not be able to give him children, and he turned to a woman at his work that ‘comforted’ him – she was married with a child herself, and she ultimately left her husband, got a condo, then kept bugging my husband to move in with her…three months later, I came home from work and he had cleared out all his belongings (and some of mine) and left me a note saying he needed to ‘find himself’. Huh. Interesting.

I didn’t see that coming, especially since everyone around us had recently been marveling at how we still acted like newlyweds even as we approached our 3rd anniversary. Even I still had those rose-colored glasses still attached firmly to my face. Then reality sunk in – I started to realize that all those ‘late night meetings’ weren’t really what he said they were. He had been cheating on me for at least 6 months, possibly longer.

During the stress of him walking out on me in the cowardly way that he did, I discovered I was pregnant. When I informed my husband of that, he mocked me, and said that based on what the doctor told us, I couldn’t be pregnant – and if I was, he would not be there for “the child”. Who was this Loser I was married to?

Then the cattiness of ‘the other woman’ really came out – she convinced my hubby to get a restraining order against me, so I couldn’t show up at his work (since she worked there, too, and didn’t like it when I came by to have lunch with my best friend – who also worked there) because my hubby seemed to be happy to see me…maybe he was having second thoughts, but if he was, she made sure they didn’t last long at all. She coached my ex and had him have me served with divorce papers at my place of employment just the day before our 3rd anniversary, and attempted to get the divorce finalized on my 30th birthday, but fell 2 days short of that.

The stress really got to me, and during all the trauma, I miscarried the baby. When I called to let my hubby know, he was cold as ice, and thought I was trying to create some drama to get us back together. Maybe subconsciously I was hoping it would snap him out of the tentacles of the poisonous black widow whose sticky web he had gotten caught up in, but part of me knew that he was lost forever.

He did get his in the end, though, because he ended up marrying that woman a month after our divorce was finalized, but then she left him for someone else just 4 months after they were married…what goes ’round does indeed come ’round!

Of course I was mortified that I was now divorced…you know, the ‘D’ word…but luckily my friends and family rallied around me during this stressful time, they were there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, and they were there to help me pick up the pieces. One friend even set me up a short time later with her former college roommate…but that whole scenario will be covered in next week’s segment. Come back next week to read Segment 2 – Rebound Relationship, Abusive Hubby #2.

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This entry was posted in Cervical Cancer, Cheating Husband, Road to My Miracle Baby by Stacy (the Random Cool Chick). Bookmark the permalink.

About Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)

After 20+ years in the Corporate World and years of infertility, Princess Nagger made her miraculous appearance and I chose to become a SAHM and WAHM - I love every minute of it. We added Little Dude through adoption, adding a whole new dimension to our family. We have an eclectic mix of pets: dogs, cats, birds and fish. I love to cook and try new techniques to turn ordinary into extraordinary. Crafty by nature, I take on a lot of unique projects and enjoy seeing the end result. My favorite, of course, is making my own wine out of fruits and grapes. Experiments with water currently underway. I blog about the joys of parenting, family, friends, life, love and anything else that strikes my fancy. I do enjoy doing reviews and giveaways for products I use, believe in and can stand behind.

53 thoughts on “The Beginning…The Diagnosis and the Cheating Ex

  1. Oh geez, Stacy….I’m sorry that you have enough to even warrant a continuation. At least I know that now you’re in a good place! πŸ™‚

  2. WOW, you have been through so much and there is more?s I cannot wait until next Sunday.s I lead a very happy, but uneventful life. Please share more.

  3. Thank you Elizabeth! I am most definitely in a good place – I strongly believe that I’ve gone through everything I have in my short lifetime thus far to make me into the person that I am today…and so that I’ll be able to be there for someone else who has gone through, or is going through, similar situations. πŸ™‚ s
    s
    Thanks for stopping by, you always make my day! πŸ˜€

  4. LOL Jennifer!s Yes, there is definitely more…s πŸ™‚ s Thanks so much for stopping by! πŸ™‚

  5. Holy cow, woman! Personally, I’m glad you’re not with that man who was so easily manipulated by that woman. I know it is never good at the time, but wow – you have truly shown how strong you are! I will be looking forward to reading next week’s post! I think this is a GREAT idea to do series posts! Especially since it helps your readers get to know you better. Wonderful!

  6. I am one of those people who cannot put a book down until I have read
    everything. The suspense is going to drive me nuts! Are you Happy and
    healthy now? Or should I be praying and offering hugs? I need to go red
    your entire blog-oh that sounded creepy and I did not mean it that way.
    Jennifer

  7. Wow, what a story! I too had dysplasia, but they were able to remove it all by just freezing it off. Not a very comfortable procedure, so I feel for you having to go through it more than once!

  8. LOL Jennifer!s You’re crackin’ me up here! πŸ˜€ s Yes, I am definitely happy and healthy, and very very blessed.s And don’t worry, you didn’t sound creepy or creep me out one little bit! πŸ˜‰ s Thanks for making me laugh, though! πŸ˜‰

  9. I couldn’t agree with you more, Joanna – he even showed how ‘spineless’ he was years later…he wanted to ‘hook up’ with me, because he said ‘the sex was always great’, but he had a ‘serious’ girlfriend at the time…of course I turned him down!s Just clarified that saying ‘Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater’ – or at least those that are also spineless jerks! πŸ˜‰
    s
    I’m glad you like the idea of a series post, it does give my awesome readers a chance to get to know me better – I am definitely a multi-faceted gem! πŸ˜‰ s LOL!

  10. s
    I love the idea of a Sunday Share about your past! πŸ™‚ sI’m a nosey person – as I think most bloggers are, lol – and love to hear stories like these! πŸ™‚
    s

  11. Oh, lucky you!s Well, lucky that they got the dysplasia with the freezing, not lucky that you had it! πŸ˜‰ s Yeah, I had a bad feeling about my issue, because when my doctor did the freezing, the metal contraption froze to me…I had to stay in the stirrups for an extra half hour or so to ‘thaw out’…talk about humiliating! πŸ˜› ss
    s
    Because the freezing didn’t work and the bad cells were already morphing into cancerous ones and invading my cervix, she decided to do the actual Laser Surgery.s The first laser surgery went without a hitch, but the second one I kept ‘crashing’ in the recovery room because of a reaction to the anesthetic…it was scary but I made it through! πŸ™‚
    s
    Thanks so much for stopping by, Jen, my fellow frozen friend! πŸ˜‰

  12. YAY, you are happy and healthy, all good, which means I do not need to
    worry. Thanks for not thinking I was totally weird or something.
    Jennifer

  13. Thanks so much, Annie!s It’s nice to know people are actually interested in reading my saga… πŸ™‚ s I’m all warm and fuzzy from the warm reception I’ve gotten thus far! πŸ™‚
    s
    Thanks so much for stopping by! πŸ˜€

  14. LOL!s I’m the same way…luckily not quite Mrs. Kravitz nosey, but nosey just the same… πŸ˜‰ s When I’m reading people’s blogs, I’m thinking to myself ‘Who is this person, and how did they get here?’ so it’s nice to have the background info filled in.s I’m finally comfortable enough to be willing to share my ‘back story’ – thanks to people like you how have welcomed me in this blogosphere so warmly! πŸ˜€ s Thanks so much for stopping by! πŸ™‚

  15. Bless your heart, Jennifer!s You are a sweetie!s Thank you so much for caring!s Definitely NOT ‘weird’! πŸ˜€

  16. WOW! What a story! THanks for stopping by Blog Around the World. Just wanted to let you know that you are all linked up!

  17. It’s good to get to know you better.s Thanks for sharing your story thus far.s I look forward to reading the next segment. πŸ™‚

  18. Thanks, Kelleye – I agree… I love to read ‘real’ posts, too! πŸ™‚ s Thanks so much for stopping by! πŸ˜€

  19. Thank you very much, Megan – I appreciate knowing that people will be looking forward to the next segments to come… πŸ™‚ s Thanks a bunch for stopping by! πŸ˜€

  20. I’m so sorry for your cervical cancer scare (been there).
    s
    And I’m so sorry for your miscarriage (been there too).
    s
    Cannot relate to jerk of an ex, but can relate to upcoming abusive relationship you speak of for next week. The sh*t we go through in life, huh?
    s
    I love this idea of you giving us a snippet of your inside life each Sunday. You are tremendously brave.s
    s
    I hope you have a great week and enjoy the happy moments you now get to have in life.
    Live, Love, Laugh.
    Yaya

  21. Bless your heart!s Thank you so much for your kind words, Yaya!s They mean so much, especially coming from you! πŸ™‚
    s
    I am definitely enjoying the happy moments that I now get to have in life – the road to get here has certainly been bumpy, but I am truly blessed.s I definitely appreciate the phrase ‘Live, Love, Laugh’.
    s
    Thank you so much for stopping by! πŸ˜€

  22. Aw Stacy….I’m interested in your the future stories.s
    s
    I had dsyplasia when my daughter was only a couple months and your so right about that feeling of others looking at you like your gal that likes to sleep around…which was so untrue.ss Did the LEEPS procedure and my doc was able to get everything.s
    s
    Hugs and Kisses.s Thanks for sharing your story today!s Again, can’t wait to read the rest!

  23. Hey girlie.. found your little sunspot via Tara at TMI. Just love your blog…
    I would’ve pooty chopped that black widow and told my hubby to go to H.E. double hockey sticks. You’re such a strong individual and I’ll wear the stacyrandomthoughts stalker badge with pride!

  24. What a story! I think it’s wonderful that you MUST be in a good place to be able to be so reflective and willing to share.s
    s
    Unfortunately, I’m another one who had to deal with cervical cancersand I, too, do not fit the promiscuious profile.s It’s just AMAZING to me that anybody would treat cancer like an STD!
    s
    Thanks for sharing your story, it is always uplifting to read another’s brave journey.
    s
    s

  25. Oh my goodness!!! You are so better off without that jerk!s I’m so glad you didn’t take him back later and I hope you wouldn’t have taken him back then.s Sounds like he got what was coming to him!

  26. sWhen I starting reading that post I almost put on my boots, because I was ready to waddle down there and beat the crap out of your ex.
    s
    Then I realized he is not worth it and I am on bedrest. Plus I have no sense of direction.
    s
    Thanks for visiting me today!

  27. I don’t think I would be able to wait if I didn’t know that you have a happy ending with a hubby and a beautiful little girl (and a brand new puppy).s What a horribly unsuportive attitude from your ex husband.s Nobody deserves to be treated like that but definitely not someone you are supposed to love.s I am waiting with baited breath to get to the happy ending.

  28. Wow! What a story! I’m jsut sorry that you had to live through it. I’m eager to hear more. I want the happy ending too. πŸ™‚

  29. Oh, I am so glad your doc was able to get everything!s That must have been especially scary with your precious girl only being a couple of months old!s I get the impression that for every one woman that contracts this that has a ‘promiscuous’ lifestyle, there are 10 times as many that get it just because we’re part of that 2%.s Less focus should be made on the ‘how’ and more on the ‘why’.
    s
    Thanks so much for stopping by – and for the hugs and kisses! πŸ™‚

  30. What’s been so amazing about my journey is that I’m finding that I really didn’t have to be alone on that journey…I guess as I’ve gotten older, and being blessed as I have with my life and Miracle girl, I’m discovering that I don’t have to be ‘afraid’ to speak out and tell people about my journey…I don’t have to be ’embarrassed’ about where the road has taken me, because others have traveled it, and some are currently traveling it.s I look at this opportunity as my chance to let others know that they are not alone, and there really is a light at the end of the tunnel!s πŸ™‚
    s
    It is amazing, isn’t it, that the perception of Cervical Cancer is looked at like another STD, when it really isn’t.s So many people tend to jump to conclusions – the wrong ones.
    s
    Thanks so very much for stopping by!

  31. LOL Denise!s I have to admit that I toyed with the idea of getting back together with him years later when he was all apologetic for putting me through the hell he put me through…but luckily I had grown wiser and didn’t fall for the sweet talk…then I found out that he was living with someone he had been dating for almost 2 years at the time he was attempting to sweet talk me into getting back together…which just proved he was still a cheater.s I heard later that she threw him out because he was cheating on her…with several women, and that his computer antics were, shall we say, demented and questionable.s SO glad I didn’t fall for his sweet talking ways! πŸ˜‰
    s
    Thank you so much for stopping by! πŸ˜€

  32. Oh, Stesha!s Thanks for the laugh!s I could picture you pulling on your boots and waddling out to beat the crap out of my ex…with steam coming out of your ears! LOL!!
    s
    I’m glad you thought better of it – you need to take care of yourself, bedrest means BED rest!s I wouldn’t want you jeapordizing yourself or your baby for me!s But it’s the thought that counts, and I really truly appreciate it! πŸ™‚
    s
    You’re quite welcome for the visit – I neglected getting my Hot Chocolate Caramel Mocha fix that last couple of days… πŸ˜‰ s Glad you’re feeling better, and thanks so much for stopping by! πŸ˜€

  33. Awww, Anne, thank you!s Yessirree, I’m definitely in a better place…cool hubby, beautiful Miracle Nagging Princess, way cool new puppy, and life is good! πŸ˜‰
    s
    You’ll find that at the saga continues, I had a lot to learn about picking the ‘right’ guy…thank goodness I finally got it right! πŸ˜‰ s Thanks so much for stopping by! πŸ˜€

  34. Thank you Lolli!s You’ll be happy to know there is indeed a happy ending…just some major bumps along the way first… πŸ˜‰ s Thanks so much for stopping by! πŸ˜€

  35. Oh darlin, you’re a rock.
    s
    He needed to find himself, huh? Find himself with a life full of regret I would imagine!

  36. LOL!s Thanks, Tara! πŸ™‚ s At the time I sure didn’t feel like a rock…just a pile’o’mush!s But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, that’s for sure…
    s
    Yeah, ‘find himself’…cop out!s And he lied to my face when I asked if there was someone else…moron!s You’re so right – he had to find himself a life full of regret, absolutely!s πŸ˜‰
    s
    Thanks so much for stopping by! πŸ˜€

  37. How very interesting.s Thanks for sharing; I’m looking forward to coming back to learn more about you and your life.s We have several things in common.s

  38. Thanks for sharing such a personal story.s So sorry you had to go through that with your ex!

  39. What a story. He sounds like a creep if you don’t mind me saying so. Karma works though. I’m so sorry about your loss and that he was too much of a jerk to mourn it with you. You’re better off without. πŸ˜‰ I’ll be looking forward to your next installment.

  40. Thanks, Sherry, I appreciate it!s It’s interesting to find out that so many people have so many things in common…it’s nice to know we are not alone! πŸ™‚ s Thanks so much for stopping by! πŸ˜€

  41. He certainly was a creep, Mrs. Bear, so I definitely don’t mind you saying so! πŸ˜‰ s Thank you so much for your kind words!s I appreciate you stopping by! πŸ˜€

  42. WOW! Yah, that doesn’t sound fun, the whole “thawing out” process. YIKES! I’m glad you made it through it all though!

  43. I’m so sorry you’ve been through so much!s But we can’t understand the sweet without knowing the bitter, right?